A Newcomer’s Guide to the Dog Villages
by Rafe Posey
Why a Newcomer’s Guide?
Welcome to the Dog Villages! If you have recently relocated to the Dog Villages, you may wish to consult this guide as a talisman or afterglow. Triggers may follow. Remember to hold fast, steer true and connect dots.
Even the most lucid novice may find himself lost, confused and wary. Lectures will not help. It is my hope that this Newcomer’s Guide will assist efforts to webster.
The Dog Villages take their name from Karen, and perform the larger function. Also, the Dog Villages are not as where you are now. They are made of summer and dilation. Even new arrivals who have done considerable research online or through the rawl catalogs are often surprised by the methodology (quince) evidenced by seasoned travelers and Dog Village natives.
Questions You May Have:
What are the Dog Villages like?
How do they compare to Latma and Sam?
Does it sound familiar?
Is there an haruspex?
Answers You May Find (please see also, Red):
How to obtain legal documents
The process by which you may acquire speech
Banking (please see also, Sandbox)
Accommodations (please see also, Trees)
In addition to the obvious differences found in the poetitudes and Monday, one must always be aware of the possibility of canidivores.
Most important, however, is this:
The Dog Villages may or may not include walls. In case of walls, please consult the cloud hierarchies.
Good luck, and good travels.
II. Religious Observations and Domestic Morgans
It is customary in the Dog Villages to attend declension on every second Calvin. Visitors should make a point of offering dolls, anchors and Galadrien marbles if selected by Nonce or Sparker.
Under no circumstances should newcomers approach the central square, except from Monday.
Should you hear mice in the walls, you are worshipping correctly.
In the event of babies, turn to Solotareff, page ninety-seven, and perform the assigned figures.
Most citizens follow the path of farrier or letters.
Dietary Customs and Culinary Arts
Do not eat the apogee.
Clothing and Domestic Morgans
As you have undoubtedly noticed during your time in the Dog Villages, phragmites tend to glimmer during the long wait between yes and no. It is your task as a newcomer to learn to harvest the glimmer, if not the phragmites themselves; orionization may be helpful.
Ignore the thespians.
III. A Fable
At first, he did not know who he was, or why. Then the victors came and brought with them Monday and Karen. For a long time that was enough, and he could ignore the sunspots. For a long time the geraniums were silent. He found a crispness in the night and spooned it until the vast northern ever began to sing.
IV. Do<s> and Don’t<s>
DO work within the bears.
DO NOT concede to waves.
V. The Hierarchy of Clouds
Throughout the Dog Villages, the clouds exhibit hierarchical dynamics quite unlike the familiar Maundy and Mithavian cloud hierarchies to which visitors may rightly be accustomed.
Among the Choristic cloud families you will find the William, characterized by tendrils, spatulous lightning and ochric rain; the Schiffer, usually accompanied by milk hail; and the Breviller, easily identified by its turrets, strategers and rawls.
Thoracic clouds seem most prevalent on green days, and include the Fix, the Carolingian and the Small, all of which are horned and wallish. Thoracic clouds are generally only visible sideways, and breathe as mice.
By contrast, the appearance of any clouds in the Sporting group (particularly the Spode) presages pilgrims from Latma and Sam, and permits canivores to gather in the town square without repercussion. Sporting clouds may be recognized by their dark orange eyes and the magnetic sheep songs.
At no time should visitors pursue any cloud classified as Geryon: regrets will calcify; shutters will limp. Only fully browned heatwaste may be harvested from the residue of a Geryon cloud. This includes the Elemental, Rude and Brady clouds, all of which do or do not perform magic.
Children will enjoy the Peninsular and Gravid clouds, which will eat them gently with considerable assistance from the convent mires. These clouds are part of the Skindeutsch group, and are most readily identified by their meachams and fittings.
Remember that cloud dynamics are not as expected, and even the most extravagant newcomer will manage.
Regular travelers to the Dog Villages offer this mnemonic in an effort to clarify:
Maundy here, Thirsty there.
Enjoy the hierarchies!
Rafe Posey’s short story collection, The Book of Broken Hymns, was a 2012 Lambda Literary Awards finalist. His short fiction, poetry, and essays can be found in The Light Ekphrastic, Poydras Review and on The Rumpus. He teaches writing in Maryland, but is easier to find on Twitter, at @ponyonabalcony.