by Ken Mootz

Eggs

Toilet paper

Greeting card that apologizes to her

Cat food

Fish

Potato Chips

Flowers for her when she doesn’t accept my apology

Coke

Beer (Lots of beer)

Soup

Another greeting card that says how much I love her

Pasta sauce

Ground turkey breast (lean)

Shredded cheese

Tissues for her broken heart

Lettuce

Tomatoes

Carrots

Dozens of rose petals to spell out I’M SORRY on our bed

Potatoes

Bananas

Grapes

Vacuum bag to suck up rose petals after she slaps me

Paper towels

Napkins

Tomato juice

Blank paper to create coupons for her to redeem my services

Bread

Muffins

Peanut Butter

Trash can for her to toss the coupons into

Pepper

Oregano

Paprika

Knee pads for me to grovel on

Green beans

Peas

Ice cream

Apartment guides for me to use when I’m thrown out

Cream cheese

Sour cream

Salsa

Time machine so I unscrew what I screwed up

Mr. Mootz’s biography, in his own words: I have written dozens of short stories, seven screenplays, two novels, and zero tweets. In my spare time I like attending sporting events and watching movies with my wife; I also like playing laser and arguing politics with my cats (though lately the cats have been less into politics and more into laser). Grocery List was inspired by an actual grocery list I wrote that was so long it seemed more like a novel than a list. That’s when I thought maybe I could tell the story of a relationship within the confines of a grocery list.