The Inappropriate Interview
by Drew Pisarra
What’s an inappropriate topic to discuss at work?
Personal things. Family stuff. Health issues. Sex.
Financial disclosures. When and how do you make them?
Never. Except to an immediate supervisor. Unless it’s personal.
Your fly is undone. No, mine is undone. What do you say?
I’d make a subtle gesture. Cast my eyes down. Mouth the word zip.
Transactions complete. 15 minutes on the clock. Stay or go?
Is this a trick question? Come early, leave late, I say.
You’re framed for something that you didn’t do. Your response?
That will never happen. I’m not that easy to pin down.
Your choices are a demotion or fired with three month’s pay. You…
Continue. Surely, there’s been some misunderstanding.
Total commitment means when the weekend comes—
I’m not married. I don’t like kids. I don’t have parties.
Net worth. What are your strengths? Why should I hire you?
I come without liabilities. My focus never tires. Never.
Weaknesses? That’s tough. Can you rephrase that?
Change roles for a second. You’re the interviewer.
Okay. How would you feel if this were your office?
Drew Pisarra has made his obsessions public: He writes about Korean movies on koreangrindhouse.blogspot.com, his mini-binges across all art forms at megacrashcourse.tumblr.com/, and his thoughts about everything else via his Twitter account @mistermysterio. He encourages following.